Dressed to Impresley

No shade to the new Elvis movie, but why would I pay to see some guy play Elvis Presley when I already played him 14 years ago—twice? Sure, it was for a kids’ musical and I was, like, 10. But aside from that? It’s basically the same thing.

That five-year theater stint is a chunk of my childhood I usually try not to think about. Mostly because I was a tween in musical theater and, therefore, cringe, but also because I more or less sucked at it. I could sing OK and knew my lines, so they kept giving me decent parts, but I was always the kid who laughed before the punchline and cried if I didn’t get to be in the front row during the dance numbers. (The directors loved me.)

I do, however, look back fondly on the times I got to do the infamous leg shake in that white bedazzled jumpsuit, my long blond hair tucked into a cheap, grody black wig that was more like an afro than a pompadour, not that I cared. I just felt proud to play a part that, in a way, I was being prepared for my whole life.

My dad was a musical man who loved many genres, barring anything that came out after 1980. He spent many a car ride playing golden oldies from his various “Greatest Hits” CDs and teaching me how to sing the doo-wah parts while he took the lead vocals. Elvis was among his very favorites to play, and he would often do a little impression of him between tracks to make me laugh.

So when the need arose for an Elvis impersonator, as it always does, I found the whole routine to be familiar. I even knew to do the lip thing! I imagine the theater directors’ jaws hit the floor, given my track record up to that point and my being a 10-year-old girl. But they knew what they saw, and they let me have the part.

And, not to brag, but I knocked it out of the park. By which I mean I was terrible—but Elvis impersonators are supposed to be terrible, so I kind of failed upward? (If anything, it made it even better that I was complete garbage at acting, just like the
real Elvis.)

So when the time came around not too much later for another Elvis, as it always does, I was practically handed the part. In hindsight, the directors probably shoehorned him in just to give me something to do, not that I cared. It felt good to finally feel like I had talent.

Community theaters everywhere will be relieved to hear that I have since retired from acting. But I do still perform as a musician now and again, and I believe both of those performances gave me the lip-curling confidence I needed to keep on playing.

And lice. The wig gave me lice both times.